Who Understands Me But Me
They turn the water off, so I live without water
They build walls higher, so I live without treetops
They paint the windows black, so I live without sunshine
They lock my cage, so I live without going anywhere
They take each last tear I have, I live without tears
They take my heart and rip it open, I live without heart
They take my life and crush it, so I live without future
They say I am beastly and fiendish, so I have no friends
They stop up each hope, so I have no passage out of hell
They give me pain, so I live with pain
They give me hate, so I live with my hate
Who understands me when I say this is beautiful ?
Who understands me when I say I have found other freedoms ?
I cannot fly or make something appear in my hand
I cannot make the heavens open the earth tremble
I can live with myself, and I am amazed at myself, my love, my beauty
I am taken by my failures, astounded by my fears
I am stubborn and childish
in the midst of this wreckage of life they incurred
I practice being myself
and I have found parts of myself never dreamed of by me
They were goaded out from under rocks in my heart
when the walls were built higher
when the water was turned off and the windows painted black
I followed these signs like an old tracker and followed tracks deep into myself
followed the blood-spotted path
deeper into dangerous regions, and found so many parts of myself
who taught me water is not everything
and gave me new eyes to see through walls
and when they spoke sunlight came out of their mouths
and I was laughing at me with them
we laughed like children and made pacts to always be loyal
Who understands me when I say this is beautiful ?
~Jimmy Santiago Baca~