Who Understands Me But Me

Who Understands Me But Me

They turn the water off, so I live without water

They build walls higher, so I live without treetops

They paint the windows black, so I live without sunshine

They lock my cage, so I live without going anywhere

They take each last tear I have, I live without tears

They take my heart and rip it open, I live without heart

They take my life and crush it, so I live without future

They say I am beastly and fiendish, so I have no friends

They stop up each hope, so I have no passage out of hell

They give me pain, so I live with pain

They give me hate, so I live with my hate

Who understands me when I say this is beautiful ?

Who understands me when I say I have found other freedoms ?

I cannot fly or make something appear in my hand

I cannot make the heavens open the earth tremble

I can live with myself, and I am amazed at myself, my love, my beauty

I am taken by my failures, astounded by my fears

I am stubborn and childish

in the midst of this wreckage of life they incurred

I practice being myself

and I have found parts of myself never dreamed of by me

They were goaded out from under rocks in my heart

when the walls were built higher

when the water was turned off and the windows painted black

I followed these signs like an old tracker and followed tracks deep into myself

followed the blood-spotted path

deeper into dangerous regions, and found so many parts of myself

who taught me water is not everything

and gave me new eyes to see through walls

and when they spoke sunlight came out of their mouths

and I was laughing at me with them

we laughed like children and made pacts to always be loyal

Who understands me when I say this is beautiful ?

~Jimmy Santiago Baca~